Life Out of Control – Or Not?

HI - Nice to see you again. Have you sent any greeting cards recently?

Have you ever seen a plumber’s house? Ask his wife – the pipes leak or the toilet runs continuously. Have you ever seen a carpenter’s house? Ask his wife – it’s probably in serious need of repair.

Tonight I got a glimpse into the house of a Life Coach. I can help just about anyone get through just about anything. I even have testimonials to prove it.

My own life? That’s a whole other story.

I had to do one of the hardest things I’ve ever done tonight. I called the police on my own son. That’s not the hard part because I’ve had to do that about 25 times in the past 8 years or so. The hard part was that the only way they could do anything was for me to tell social services that I don’t want him so they can place him in foster care and he can get the help he needs.

My heart feels like it’s been ripped out. I have worked with kids in the custody of the juvenile system. I have been a direct care counselor. I have opened my home to many, many teenagers who couldn’t get along with their parents. I have always been the one my kids friends come to when they need to talk to someone. I have always felt sorry for the kids whose parents didn’t want them. Tonight I became that parent. I love my son so much, but I couldn’t continue to live the way I had been. He has been bouncing back and forth between his father’s in NY and here in KY with me. His father kicked him out because he wouldn’t listen to him and live by his rules so he spent all summer in NY living basically on the street. He stayed with friends and bounced around. He would call me daily and beg me to buy him food. I would call the local store up there with my credit card number and pay for food because he had nothing to eat.

He finally agreed that he had enough and wanted to come home. I allowed him to come home only if he changed his behavior and lived by mine and my husband’s rules. We don’t have a lot of them. Be respectful, do your chores, do your studying, settle down by 11 pm, don’t stay up all night and don’t sleep all day.

He came back and was fine for a few weeks. He got a job working with my husband and he seemed to love it. About a month ago I had to call the police on him because he was out of control and shoved me and his sister. As soon as they pulled in, he calmed right down and was nice and sweet. They said there was nothing they could do. After they left he gloated. He knew that as long as he was calm when they got here, they wouldn’t do anything.

Tonight was pretty much the same scenario. He didn’t like that we told him to turn down the booming music. He didn’t like that we told him to stop yelling at his sister. He didn’t like it that I told him if he can’t be respectful, he can’t use the phone. So he went ballistic. Called us all kinds of names and told me, my husband and my daughter that he would beat the F out of all of us. Said he would kill us all. Now, mind you, my son is over 6 ft. tall and almost 300 lbs. (mostly muscle). When he goes into his rages, he’s totally uncontrollable. Well…until the police come in…then he mysteriously is able to calm right down.

This pattern has been going on for years. He’s been on just about every kind of medication you can think of. Sometimes we are just too close to a situation to look at it objectively. I’ve always tried to be the very best parent that I can be. Now it’s time for me to let go and trust that he will get the help he needs that I can’t give him. That’s the best parenting I can give him now.

I love him so very much and sometimes love means letting go. All I can do now is pray that he can some day come back home and know that he is loved. I had to do what is best for everyone – myself, my son, my daughter and my husband. We walked around on eggshells most of the time wondering if/when he would have a blow up. He’s learned a lot of coping skills over the years but forgets to use them.

Today was the hardest day of my life and I’m so tired. It can only get better.

Roxanne

Filed under: Life Coaching • Self Development • Working From Home

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